No Room

I often wonder what it is about people that makes them so...desperate to be perceived as strong and confident all the time. We allow ourselves no room for weakness, no room for brief moments of complete release. No, instead we put on our brave face, stick out our chin, paste on a smile, and utter the often used but seldom believed phrase of, "I'm fine."

I myself am one of these people. There are any number of ploys I use to distract not just others, but myself as well from my woes, and yet I wonder why I continue to do it when the logical side of me very well knows that I would feel better if I just talked to someone about it. But I can't. I seem to be stuck in this rut of self-reliance, though I admit I am not trying too hard to get out of it. Being confident in my ability to handle situations on my own is very important to me, but there is a point where even the most self-reliant person needs help.

So if it is simply self-reliance that holds people back, or an even more basic form - self preservation - than there is little anyone else can do for them. But it can't be that simple. There are other factors to consider...vanity, reputation, appearance, shame, trust, and a whole host of other things generally considered important to people, but not always on a conscious level. 

I suppose there are some people who have no qualms about talking to others about deeply personal issues, but I am not one of those. Everytime I have a personal problem to deal with, a little voice in me says, "You need to do this on your own. No one knows you better than yourself. They'll just mess it all up." And to a certain extent, that little voice is right. But, like I said before, there always comes a point when you have to reach for help. And I have managed to do that a few times...but there have been far more when I simply couldn't force myself to do it.

So, instead, I put on my brave face, stick out my chin, paste on a smile, and tell everyone I'm fine. I laugh and I swear and I grin, and I wonder how many of the people I talk to that day are putting on their brave faces too.